But she doesn't notice me...
All my life I wanted to be a girl like this Nona. I wanted to be irresistibly cool and enigmatic and unattainable. It still even plagues me now. Maybe it's because I'm scared of letting people get close to me now.
If you've ever read Looking For Alaska by John Green, Alaska Young is the girl I dream of being. An alternate title for this look would've been from one of her quotes:
“Alaska finished her cigarette and flicked it into the river.
'Why do you smoke so damn fast?' I asked.
looked at me and smiled widely, and such a wide smile on her narrow
face might have looked goofy were it not for the unimpeachably elegant
green in her eyes. She smiled with all the delight of a kid on
Christmas morning and said, 'Y'all smoke to enjoy it. I smoke to die.”
I tried to give up smoking earlier this year, and the entire time I was an awfully paranoid mess. My anxiety (which I've worked on for a long time) has considerably dropped while I have been a smoker. I would have panic attacks in the worst possible times and my mental health was just... ridiculous. I hated myself so much. I wanted to die every day. So I either kill myself with smoking or kill myself with my thoughts. Either way I will die I guess.
I took these photos on Saturday with Priscilla and her boyfriend at my our old high school. Whenever I wear this jacket I feel like Lindsay Weir from Freaks and Geeks. I actually feel like her a lot. Who am I? Where do I fit in? I am like, a hodgepodge of many things. I love fashion, cosplaying, photography. My looks are very girly and sweet but I love grungy clothes. I don't even have a celebrity twin. :'( It used to bother me a lot that I had so many hobbies, but now I don't even think about it. I may not be the best at anything, but that doesn't really make me a worthless person. I'm sure a lot of people would agree with me too.
After pictures we went out to brunch. It was a really nice little outing. I don't go on them often, so I make sure to treasure the ones that I get the chance to go on.
I got these sunglasses through Chictopia rewards! I dunno if they suit me, but they are probably the best glasses I've ever had. The big lenses really block out the sun, especially when I drive, and the fit is snug but not too tight. If I wear them a little lower so my eye brows peek out over top, they look better on me I think at least. They have a nice tint to them too! You can find them here for purchase as ShopCalico. The service is I tihnk what really makes me happy about these glasses. The package was delayed because an employee was sick and they were moving so Elissa, the owner of ShopCalico, kept me up to date with what was happening and was very kind in her replies. I think I might have to buy something from them soon.
If you haven't seen yet, I added a widget for instagram to my sidebar. You can follow me with my username, Necara. I post previews of my blog posts as well as silyl stuff from my day to day life, such as Spencer in my sunglasses: