Sunday, July 31, 2011


So today I worked offsite at a festival in my town. My town lays right next to a bay so we get a lot of the cold wind coming from it. Well all the vendors at the festival left their tents up over night and one lady nearby my tent had all of her display blown over and her tent pushed about 2 feet forward and her products strewn everywhere. I felt really bad for her and since my tent was already up and ready to go (Thanks to some amazing people next to me selling shaved ice. The man working there helped me set up my tent AND gave me some weights to anchor the tent down. Yesterday we had to take down our tent because it almost blew over.) I decided to help pick up her things so she wouldn't have to come here and see it like this. So I started to pick up her things off the ground and a couple other ladies helped me too but they gave up. I kept going until the woman and her assistant got there and then I helped them finish up their tent and display. It may be selfish of me to say this but it makes me really happy to help other people. I have been a really awful person to others in my life and it haunts me every single day. There's a picture on tumblr that describes what happens to me often.

I have picked on people who have had no reason to be picked on, said horrible things without thinking, and just all around been an awful person my entire life. I keep trying to do good for others but I fail and mess up and it's just a horrible horrible ordeal for me to replay all of these events over in my head. I'm trying to make up for all of the horrible things I've ever done to people. I don't really know how to though, and sometimes it keeps me up at night because I know these people probably hate me even if they act friendly towards me. I don't deserve it at all. I really don't even have any friends, most of the people on my facebook 'friendslist' probably don't think of me as a friend to be honest, and I wouldn't blame them. I was never a good person in high school. I'm not even that good of a friend now. I'm just trying so hard to be nice to others now but sometimes I feel like I shouldn't be nice just because I'm doing it for a very selfish reason.

Well, back to the story. The woman who I helped set up her tent gave me a free cup of fudge! It is watermelon flavored and really yummy, if not deadly sweet!

Haha. She was so nice and grateful for the help, I felt happy just helping her fix her tent up, but I'm so grateful for the gift as well. Haha, I basically had nothing but liquid sugar and water all day. I had to pee SO BAD but I was the only one at my booth. The nice guy I mentioned earlier watched my tent for me though. I'm so happy to be blessed by other people being so nice to me. I honestly don't deserve it at all. But, the more good things I do, I hope to repay all the people I've been a jerk to who never deserved it.



  1. <3 you're a terrific friend dear.

  2. I read this blog and it made me really, really sad. Like, really. You remind me of old me. I used to think everyone hated me. I still can't quite shake that feeling, actually.

    Anyways, I just wanted to comment and say that I've never personally seen you being anything other then the sweet heart you truly are.

    It might not mean much, but I consider you one of the greatest friends I've ever made. And definitely one of the sweetest human beings I have ever met in my life.